Where have I been?

A lot has happened since the last time I blogged. I'm not going to details. Why speak of the past when I can talk about the present? My baby is almost 8 months old. She can crawl and sit by herself :) Love her more everyday...

The H1N1 flu is a daily scare, especially since 3 pupils in my school have been infected by it. UI want to wish it away but reality stinks and the flu will stay as long as people are unwilling to change their bad habits.

Honestly, I'm loosing interest in blogging. It's no longer a necessity to type everything I'm thinking/planning daily. Perhaps its the busy life as a mother/wife which the fact is consuming most of my time, leaving me mere minutes for everything else I wish to do. I'd be lying if I say I'm not tired and I enjoy every minute of my busy life. The reality is, there are times I would just break down and cry, screaming to myself that I need help. But who can I turn to? After few minutes of self-pity, I would try to recover, and tell myself everything will be better tomorrow. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't. Self indulgence is a luxury I can no longer afford...

Maybe this is today... Who knows what I may say tomorrow? One thing I constantly tell myself, I can't imagine life without my baby and my husband.

Rest in Peace

Two families have lost their love ones this month. A friend lost her mother after years of battle with cancer. A relative lost their nine year-old daughter to appendicitis.

Pray for the people we lost to rest in peace and God bless their souls. Amin...

'Do not Stand at My Grave and Weep'

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight,
I am the starshine of the night.
I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room.
I am in the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there. I do not die.

Mary Frye, 1932

Ego as Men's best friend

Men (particularly on the road) obviously think they own the road as they own everything else. Have you ladies out there out take a male driver and have him out take you over few seconds later? We'd be in a hurry to reach our destination, while he'd be too lazy holding on to the steering wheel, with the other hand is mightily (not) holding on to a cigarette. Come on! Windows down, hand out, cd booming aloud, oily face (euuggh) that is so last season man! And they say female drivers are the worst. We're not the ones having trouble turning the wheel cos our hand is busy holding on to the cigarette or our tyre rim is damn too wide to steer ata corner(especially to those with TINY cars).
Talking about tiny cars, let me say I'm soooo hating them. May it be Mazda2, Serion, Kancil and including Vios. Gosh, have you ever noticed the way these cars park? They park like a Hummer damn it. Peeps, drive your car as it is. Your 1.3cc engine wont go faster just because you switch the airi-cond off. Please don't embarass yourself. 1.3 vs 3.5 v6? C'mon!

First Post for 2009

I haven't blogged for a while. Taking care of baby Zara sure is challenging. She's not much a crier, but God, she can scream. She likes the attention. She sleeps when people are around, as if the noise that we make are comforting to her. When the lights and televisions are turned off, the peace and quiet seems to disturb her. She'd churn in her sleep, making jerky movements and then wails until we hold her in our arms. While talking to her, she'd look into our eyes, wondering what we're talking about, smiling once in a while, and if we're lucky, we'd hear her cute laughter.

She had her first 1 month check up last week. Wow, it's been a month. Time is passing by so fast, and I swear she is growing before my eyes. The day she was born, she weighed 3.2kg with a height of 53cm. On her 1 month check up, she weighed 4.3kg and measured 55cm. She had her shot which was accompanied by a flu few days later. I felt sorry for her. When the flu finally receded, she started having sore throat. I felt like crying hearing her throaty cry.

She got better in less than a week though. Ironically enough, the flu seems to bring a new side of her. She starts making cute sounds and she can concentrate better when looking at an object or people.

She was circumcised yesterday. I couldn't really look, worrying that she may bleed and cried furiously in pain. But no, everything went well. She cried for a few seconds, mostly of surprise than pain.

Someone asked me, if my husband is still the best thing that happened to me. Yes my husband is the best thing that happened to me, and he brought Zara with him...

Wk 38 - A new member in the family

December 26. Hubby and I were doing shopping for the upcoming baby. I've been avoiding and missing prenatal appointments for the past couple of weeks. Shopping seem to take my mind off things.

By 6pm, while we were at my in laws, my back started to ache. I thought the whole day shopping and the weight of the baby in my belly were causing the ache. The ache came and go within few minutes apart. I tried lying down and resting in hopes that it would ease the ache.

We went to Fratini's later. I was having ice caffe latte with my favorite roast duck with orange glaze, with caesar salad plus extra smoke salmon. I enjoyed the meal despite the fact my back was starting to strain even more. I suddenly had trouble walking. Hubby was starting to worry and insisted we go to the hospital. But I convinced him I was just having a back ache.

Back at home, after having warm shower, I tried to sleep but couldn't. The ache was turning into a dull pain that shot from my pelvis to back. I was gripping my pillow and bed every time the pain shot through. The pain kept coming every 5 minutes giving me no chance of sleeping. At 3am, I told my hubby that we should probably go to the hospital first thing in the morning if the pain continues. I tried resting again, but no luck. By 4am, my hubby woke up to find me in cold sweats, with my hands gripping the pillow trying to calm the pain. Without any argument, we quickly decided to go the hospital.

When we reached the hospital by 4.30 am, I could barely walk. As told by the nurses before, I should go straight to the labor room if I feel any pain. So I did. I got into the admission room 1st where they did a check up while my hubby waited outside. Suddenly, then nurse told me, "6cm, you're ready, Change your clothes and give them to your husband".

December 27, 6am, after 2 hours of pain but a successful normal delivery, we finally meet our little sweetheart...

Sooner Than Later

Even though my due date is on Jan 4th, but I may have to deliver soon. Wow, things are really going to be different next year. My husband and I are going to become parents, and... I'm transferring work. It takes less than 5 minutes to get there from my home. I wonder what time will I leave home in the morning.. hehe. No more jams, no more traffics... I usually leave home by half past 6 or earlier, arrive at work 45 minutes or almost an hour later. Yes, that's how terrible the jam around here is.

God is on my side. A new surrounding will help me to improve myself. I need to make changes. With the baby coming soon, this transfer is the next best thing. May the year 2009 brings good luck and happiness to all of us.

P/S: If I'm not posting msgs next weeks or the next week to come, I'm most likely to be in the hospital, delivering my baby. Pray that everything will go well, for me and baby. Amin.

Sharing the last few weeks/days

I'm posting this in hopes that it will help me 2 go through my current feelings n situations. More than 8mths have passed by with excitement of welcoming a new member to the new family.As the day is finally approaching, my days r filled with sleepless nite n restless days of what d next fw days wil bring. Fear of labor is a constant thought that clings to me, haunting me since my body experiences and feeling changes for the upcoming duty. I can feel my body preparing for labor, causing discomfort n even pain here n there. Shifting positions when resting or sleeping is no longer a breeze, n my nites r imcomplete without d regular visits 2 d loo. I've started feeling d pressure since my baby moved downward a few days ago. Walking can be uncomfortable n i keep feeling as if d baby might fall netime soon. Stories of painful labor keeps replaying in my overcrowded mind. I'm not really sure if this the real reason of d fear I'm feeling, cos in d end i keep on asking myself if I'm ready 2bcom a paren... N then I start 2 imagin myself in d labor room. I kno its goin 2 come sooner than it shud b. Baby is eager to meet us...n yes I'm counting d moments 2 meet baby too. I hope evryting goes wel despite my fear n ol...

Week 36

Less than a mth 2 go n im scared 2 death. I was admitted a couple of nites ago n begged 2b released d nex dy.i cried n felf sick of myself 4 being so scared.my bp rised 2 150/110. Ive been given medicine since then 2 help lower my bp.i was given a home leave, a term i never knew existed.i was able 2 go home but had 2 check back in d next dy.but ges wat? I never did. The nurses called my hp, my hubby, even my hom. Im hating myself even mo,cos now i feel evry1 else is worrid accept 4 me.so finally,my hubby went 2 d hospital yday,explained my stuborness,n they gave me medicines 2 take 4 a week...hav i mentioned i hate myself?

Week 34

6 more weeks to go to my due date. Less than a week to go before school holiday. Hooray!!! I need a break. I've finished all my work, even papers which are not due til January. I don't want to have to come to work in December.

Sigh, but I do have a little cleaning up to do. Oh yes, the yearly ritual of packing everything in the classroom, moving things out and starting everything all over in another classroom. I envy the pra classes for not having to move every year. I have tons of paper to throw, hundreds of dollars spent teaching aids to sort through. I heard I'll be teaching Primary 2 next year. So much for looking ahead for a better year. There will be only two primary 2 class next year, 2A and 2B, due to shortage of classes. Hmmphh.. So, it's a guarantee 30+ pupils for me next year.

Friday Morning

7 am on Friday morning and I'm already wide awake. My parent is on their way to KK, and I can't help feeling worried. My sister is making pancake downstairs, after curiously asking me how to make one. I'm a bit on the sick side at the moment. It happens, but I'll be better later.

I had another prenatal appointment last Wednesday. Once again, I was referred to the RIPAS hospital. I arrived at the hospital by 2pm and left by 8pm. That was okay I think, considering the fact that they wanted to admit me. My BP increased by the hour, and it was no surprise! I was told to rest in the day care. Can you imagine resting alone, with all the thoughts that you still haven't finished your work, with few more school weeks to go? To make it worse, the incoming visitors were really helpful. They were talking and laughing loudly and the children were running rampid. How in the world is this helping to the patience?

I remember 2 years ago when my dad had to stay in the hospital due to high BP as well. His BP was too high that he began to throw up and were having black outs. I brought him to the ER against his will and he was admitted later but not before he had to wait about 3-4 hours in the small curtain room, where my dad was supposed to rest and had his blood checked, where this 1 male nurse was speaking loudly on his phone for half an hour. He was laughing like there was no tomorrow, even his voice was getting to my head.

Okay, then my dad had to stay in the hospital ward where he was unlucky enough to be placed next to this guy with a big family. The guy was nice yes, the family.. maybe too nice. They'd come every night, making you think that they were having a family gathering. They didn't talk to the patience much, just among themselves. I remember they were talking about boats and stuff. We usually left my 9, that was when the visiting time was over. My dad said, the other family usually left by 11, and refused to leave even when the nurse kept switching on and off the light. The day the patience was released, I heard one of them said, "Aiii.. siuk dah sini." (oww , it's fun here) Emm... holiday much?

Anyway, my father stayed more than a week. His BP refused to cooperate, and he didn't look any better. My father complained he wasn't getting any better with all the noises and the waking up He couldn't sleep at the hospital and he was definitely not resting. So finally, he was released. And guess what? He was better staying home.

And that is why, I don't want to stay in the hospital... I almost cried, (yes, I can get very emotional lately). I asked the doctor to check my BP for one last time, and thank God, my BP finally decreased. Now, here I am...

Week 32

Went to the clinic for a prenatal appointment today. Sigh, another high BP. I was referred to the RIPAS hospital and had to wait til 6 pm. I was sleepy, but not sleepy enough to sleep in one of the ward bed;) I have 2 another appointments in the next 2 weeks to come. Sigh, I am getting bored, I really want to see the baby.

Week 30 Ultrasound

t

Had a 2D/3D/4D ultrasound few days ago. This is how our baby looks like. I don't think Baby Z liked being watched. Baby Z kicked alot through out the process. And.. it was hard not to notice, baby Z was trying to cover baby Z's face in the end.. Looking forward to see Baby Z...

30 Weeks

I'm in my week 30. Ten more weeks to go... I'm scared. I grew up believing giving birth is the most painful moment a woman has to endure. Yes, I'm looking forward to see my baby, but fear is growing in me each day. Having a creative imagination doesn't help either... I keep having all this wild imagination on what might happen on the day of labor. What if amidst the painful chaos of delivery, of the nurse suddenly says, "Boh..."Sigh... Did I mention I'm scared?

My friend Dee gave me a preparation list on what on to do and bring for THE DAY. I was expecting an sms, but she sent me a 3mbs worth of email, 4 pages of lists, complete with pictures. From what I can conclude, I'm only 30% prepared.

Childrens' Sense of Humor

Our school celebrated Hari Raya last Saturday. The children looked adorable in their latest and colourful Baju Raya. And I love the Pra Kids. They were the cutest!!! Some boys in their over-sized Baju Melayu and the girls in their girly fashion with the double-layered 'kisi' and 'katok'

My least favorite parts were re-arranging the tables and the cleaning up. The kuehs were all over the floor and drinks were spilt everywhere. ( Okay, thank God, I didn't invite them for my open house lol)

The childrens were eager to go home early after the celebration. They acted as if it was the last day of school when in fact we have around five more weeks to go. At last in the end, I finally let them leave, "Okay, yang ada sudah ibu-bupanya boleh balik"... One of my pupils managed to give me an annoying yet ironically funny reply, " Cigu, kami semua sudah ada ibu bapa"... Okay.. One kid is enough for me...